Julia Adkins
Okay this may be a little late, but now that we are in our 4th week of school I am finally getting around to expressing my thoughts about the first week of work. I have been so overwhelmed, it has been rather sad. At first, I didn't think that I would be able to handle all of the stuff that was being thrown at me (and I'm still not sure if I am actually handling anything). it has been really difficult because I like to be very organized and I feel like I have been flying my the seat of my pants. The only saving grace in all of this has been my students. i have the BEST students. They are all hard workers and seem as if they really want to learn. I know, it's amazing. I had to call off of work on thursday and friday because my youngest daughter was sick. I was so busy with my daughter that i was not able to get much work done and when I went back to work today, I discovered that my students were great for the sub, but they didn't work to the best of their ability and really didn't retain anything that the sub taught to them (the sub was great she followed the lesson plans to a tee). I am feeling guilty that I have let my students down in some way; weather by not being there or by not planning well enough. Will this feeling ever go away if I need to be absent again? Am I being too caring? A control freak? or what?
9 comments:
I know how you feel. I am overwhelmed also. I just snapped at my wife because I never have any time to just sit and talk to her or the family. I am always doing either work for school or work for one of the two classes we are taking. It is very frustrating sometimes. I also feel that I am not very well prepared for the children sometimes. I am told this will get better with experience. I guess only time will tell.
I forgot to add my name to the comment. The I know how your feel comment was from Jon Hurst.
This is Ramona Benoit
First of all your family is the most important thing. Don't ever feel that you are letting your students down because you have to take care of yourself or your family.
Now that that is done, let me tell you that it is normal for it to feel overwhelming, it is overwhelming; but, you will learn to manage it better if you keep in mind that all you can do is your best. Sometimes it will seem that your best isn't working and that may be the case because our students have so many needs and our schools are expecting way too much from them. Then sometimes you will feel overjoyed because you will see the difference that you made in one or a few of your students in just a few minutes of class. You will see that light bulb turn on and it will be because of you!
Don't let the heavy, chaotic days get to you! They will pass. You are needed and you make a difference. We all do :)
Ramona
I work for a preschool program, and as of yesterday, I still don't have a permanent para in my class. My students began on September 2nd & 3rd, and I've had four different subs at different days of the week. This week is the first time I had the same person for a week. I have 18 students with at least four with behavior problems--two pretty serious. Beside this, I had to move to a new location this year and unpack everything (with a sub's help). I have lesson plans to complete each week, attend meetings, developmental testing to complete within 45 days, classes during the week, help to care for an elderly parent (which includes cooking meals), etc. I feel overwhellmed as well. I go to work early and stay late so that I can just keep up. One good thing so far, that the faculty is very suupportive. I feel for you, but one teacher told me to "just hang in there". Pam Gresham
Julia,
Teachers can never be too concerned about their students. It is unfortunate, but some of our students carry very heavy burdens that we are not aware of - I work those students everyday. Please keep caring in a big way. You cannot not beat yourself up, though. Human, that is what you are - human. We get sick sometimes and have to take a leave from the classroom which allows us to return stronger and able to accomplish the task at hand: love the students, teach the students, and be successful because the students accomplished their academic goals for the year.
Elaine
Comment from Jessica -
I remember thinking that I was obsessing when I started dreaming about students last year.
It seems like the ones I always really put some extra time in with (the ones you help push through their walls) end up being the ones that drop out, consistantly perform below their ability or transfer. One of the students I had last year I was always trying to help and, one day, he made a comment to me that made me take a look at what I was doing. In response to not having something completed that I had done so much extra to facilitate, he said he knew I "always had his back" and thats why he didn't finish. what was I doing that made him think he was not responsible for his success, maybe I was helping more than he needed. I decided to pull back a little to make him more responsible. A few days later, he disappeared. He was a senior in both my 11th and 12th grade classes. He was 18 and lived independantly and there was no one to call or report to. I remember feeling very guilty like I had something to do with it. I had just decided to stop doing as much for him a few days before but this didn't stop the guilt; Stop me from thinking I had something to do with it. This was the start of the dreams about this and other students that were struggling and it took me a while to realize that there is only so much you can hold yourself purely accountable for, only so much you can guide - you will touch all your students but you can't grab onto all of them. It is easy to let all of your life go (free time, sleep, sanity) but it so much harder to say "I can't do everything" when it comes to your students. I think the fact that you care shows a lot about why you are teaching but remember you can't do your best for them if you don't care for yourself and your family.
Adrienne M.
I had planned on teaching this year, but currently I am not. I am beginnning to think I may have been granted a blessing in disguise. I know that I would probably be like Julia, struggling to find that balance. Last year I subbed at a school where the teachers' sub plans were often missing or extremely outdated. When I knew I would be subbing in a particular class for more than a day, I found myself staying later than all the other subs (and even some of the teacher's) because I wanted to make sure the students would get the most out of their time with me. I would take the teacher editions home to see if there were any ways I could extend their learning. My husband always questioned why I did so much when I was "just a substitute".
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